Denial

Well I got my first denial letter today from social security and for the first time I think I would wish this hell on my caseworker even just for a day or two so she would get it. My daily life is hard to truly imagine or empathize with unless you see it. The part that really aggravated me was the part in the letter that I can do lightweight work like answer a phone.

Lady – the only calls I will take 100% of the time is from my child who lives 75 minutes away from me and that’s only when he calls me and I’m awake. Even my immediate family will tell you calling me is a crap shoot – and it’s not that I want to be anti social, but when you are in severe pain and so physically weak – you aren’t even in the same country of the mood to shoot the breeze.

Yeah except half the time I forget what I’m going to say because I got distracted by pain or fatigue that is never quenched by a nap because a full nights sleep is nothing but a distant memory – maybe extreme muscle weakness is a better term for it.

Believe me when I tell you that nobody in many others like me would love nothing better to erase this part of our lives and go back to work, raise our children, enjoy hobbies, take vacations and have social lives.

Anyone who knew me prior to this would tell you I was a very active person. I loved my accidental career, I loved spending time with my family and enjoyed many hobbies.

When it’s to the point that I can only sew 3 scraps of fabric on a paper pieced 4” quilt block which takes 15 minutes – and I can’t do it without sweat rolling down my back – that’s a problem. When I can no longer fold a basket of clothes, cook even a simple meal, or even muster enough strength to stand in the shower – that’s a problem.

That’s the problem with the government – the people who genuinely need assistance need to fight tooth and nail for it – all the while just making their condition worse and then there are those people who abuse the system which is just despicable.

I swear by the time this whole debacle is over it will be a miracle if I don’t end up on the OR table again or in a walker or a wheelchair before it’s over.

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